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muses_at_large
Nov. 9th, 2005 04:51 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
court_trainedIf you discovered that your significant other/partner/spouse had been unfaithful, how would you react?
It's interesting that the other topic that seems to be floating around is about losing control when this one comes up. If you had asked me a year and a half ago, I would have said I'd be calm. Rational. We would talk about it. Explore what was missing in our relationship. What we wanted to do from there. If I loved her, and I did, do, love her, then we would go to counseling. Talk about it.
Such an indiscretion happens all the time.
I would forgive.
Then she...told me what she'd done. Even then, it wasn't the sex. She's young. Still somewhat inexperienced. There had only been two boys before me, and she was only twenty-one when we began our relationship. I was hurt. Angry. Betrayed. I'd been faithful to her for nearly four years--longer than any other woman, including my ex-wife, who, I am sad to say, did not get my fidelity along with my ring. I'd given up said wife for her. Committed myself utterly to her. And she had a fling. A summer affair in Europe.
Of course I was angry.
But what made me angrier was how she tried to justify it. The lies she told as she stood there crying, telling me how sorry she was, asking if I could ever forgive her. Telling me she hadn't had a choice. Not because it was rape, but because it was him.
The sex I could have forgiven, but not that. Not choosing someone who so clearly was willing to play into her delusions and fantasies. He used her, took advantage of her, almost got her killed, and she stood there and defended him to me. Told me she loved him, but she'd left him. Wanted me to forgive her.
Told me she loved me.
How did I react?
I lost control.
It's interesting that the other topic that seems to be floating around is about losing control when this one comes up. If you had asked me a year and a half ago, I would have said I'd be calm. Rational. We would talk about it. Explore what was missing in our relationship. What we wanted to do from there. If I loved her, and I did, do, love her, then we would go to counseling. Talk about it.
Such an indiscretion happens all the time.
I would forgive.
Then she...told me what she'd done. Even then, it wasn't the sex. She's young. Still somewhat inexperienced. There had only been two boys before me, and she was only twenty-one when we began our relationship. I was hurt. Angry. Betrayed. I'd been faithful to her for nearly four years--longer than any other woman, including my ex-wife, who, I am sad to say, did not get my fidelity along with my ring. I'd given up said wife for her. Committed myself utterly to her. And she had a fling. A summer affair in Europe.
Of course I was angry.
But what made me angrier was how she tried to justify it. The lies she told as she stood there crying, telling me how sorry she was, asking if I could ever forgive her. Telling me she hadn't had a choice. Not because it was rape, but because it was him.
The sex I could have forgiven, but not that. Not choosing someone who so clearly was willing to play into her delusions and fantasies. He used her, took advantage of her, almost got her killed, and she stood there and defended him to me. Told me she loved him, but she'd left him. Wanted me to forgive her.
Told me she loved me.
How did I react?
I lost control.
